i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm too high and old for this...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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