just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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