so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
