I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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