Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
