I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
