i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
