Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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