my vag is so smooth its legendary
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
