u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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