Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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