took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
did i walk over a car last night?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
