My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
