By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
