absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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