Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We talked him into tasing himself.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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