none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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