dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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