do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
