If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
