I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
