when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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