its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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