Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
