I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
