Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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