i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
