he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
