John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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