im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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