well you can't waste a boner
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
