Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
