I wanna passion pit in your ass
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
