Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
