either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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