Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
