I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
