But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
