Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
