Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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