you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
