Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
