Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
