He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
