He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I need moral support for this bender
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
