you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
