i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
