Only a mothe r could love this liver
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
