The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
