You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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